Your Relationship with Yourself Sets the Tone for Every Connection
Every relationship we form—romantic, friendly, or professional—reflects our relationship with ourselves. When you prioritise others’ needs above your own, it might seem like kindness, but this habit can come from a place of self-neglect. How you treat yourself teaches others how to treat you. By cultivating self-respect and self-love, you support your well-being and set a higher standard for your relationships.
Why Self-Love is Essential
Learning to love yourself isn’t selfish; it’s crucial for developing healthy relationships. Caring for others is natural, especially in romantic relationships, but it’s just as important to nurture yourself. With a strong foundation of self-love, you may avoid falling into patterns of over-giving, hoping to earn love and acceptance in return. Over time, this can lead to self-abandonment, where you’re so focused on others that you overlook your needs. Is this hitting home for you?
The Roots of Over-Giving and Self-Neglect
For many of us, the impulse to put others first was conditioned in childhood. If you grew up experiencing some form of neglect or were “parentified” (where you took on adult responsibilities early on), you might have found a sense of worth through giving. Perhaps you were subtly or openly taught that you had to over-give to be worthy of attention, approval, or love. Over time, these early experiences can shape how you relate to others, leading you to prioritise their needs over your own.
Understanding Codependency and Self-Worth
Codependency is a pattern in which we place others’ needs above our own to the point that our sense of self-worth depends on someone else’s happiness or approval. While this might feel like selflessness, it’s a form of self-neglect. Codependency can look like overgiving, constantly seeking external validation, or putting someone else on a pedestal. Often, it’s an unconscious attempt to “earn” love and worthiness through acts of service or self-sacrifice.
True fulfilment in relationships—whether romantic, friendship, or family—comes from a place of balance and reciprocity, where both people support each other with a healthy give-and-take, not one person being drained while the other constantly takes.
Healing Begins with Self-Awareness
Making the unconscious conscious starts with looking realistically at where your beliefs and behaviours came from. This includes understanding how unmet needs from childhood may still influence your relationship dynamics today. By identifying these early wounds and recognising their associated triggers, you can see that no one in adulthood can truly fulfil the needs or heal the wounds you carry from childhood. Healing these is an inward journey and requires self-reflection and growth.
When you identify past wounds and the limiting beliefs they created, you have the power to question whether these beliefs still serve the life you want. I call this the “Choose Again” method—identifying a new, supportive belief aligned with your desires to replace the old, limiting one. We can rewire our brains in ways that uplift and support us rather than hold us back.
Cultivating Emotional Intelligence
Investing in a relationship with yourself means exploring your values, understanding your boundaries, and learning what fulfils you. This process might involve coaching, therapy, journaling, or simply reflecting on past experiences and what they’ve taught you. It takes conscious and intentional effort. The more you understand your emotional world, the better you can share it with others. Emotional intelligence comes from understanding your needs, expressing them clearly, approaching relationships with purpose and calmness, and responding instead of reacting from a triggered place.
Filling Your Own Cup First
The idea of “filling your own cup” is about meeting your own needs so you bring your best self to your relationships. Taking care of yourself—whether through hobbies, personal goals, or self-care—means you’re not depending on someone else to complete you. Instead, you can stand firm in your worth and be confident in what you bring to the table. When you feel fulfilled and whole, you won’t settle for less; you’ll only welcome relationships that enhance your life.
Embracing the Gift of Self-Connection
At the end of the day, every relationship begins with the one you have with yourself. By taking time to connect, heal, and love yourself, you lay the groundwork for healthier, more balanced relationships. It’s about recognising your worth, developing self-compassion, and understanding that you are human—worthy, lovable, perfectly imperfect, making mistakes, learning, and always, ALWAYS evolving.
How might a better-connected relationship with yourself change your relationships with others?
By Nina Mandair, Empowerment Coach and Retreat Leader
She embarked on a mission to heal herself and transform her patterns in love, and now she’s dedicated to helping every woman she can to thrive. As a certified Sex, Love, & Relationship Coach with a Master’s degree in Psychology, human behaviour is her expertise.
Nina specialises in healing relationship patterns and trauma. Her unique, holistic approach has guided countless women on a transformative journey toward self-love and worthiness. She leads luxury retreats in Aruba, creating an inspiring space ideal for deep coaching, personal growth and fun!
You can access Nina’s Free Dating Red Flags training here.
